This time it will be different

Has this ever happened to you?

Did you turn off the iron? Did I lock the back door? Have we checked the electric blanket in the spare room?
How often have the first hours of your holidays been spoilt by that rush of anxiety that you have perhaps overlooked some essential task before setting out? And it doesn’t necessarily go away with age or with practice.
Last week we set out on a holiday to Tasmania. We had plenty of time to prepare, so my anxiety syndrome got a really good workout. I decided, in the light of some earlier attacks, that this time I would make a list of all the necessary tasks. It finished with the words
Turn off hot water service.
Turn on alarm
Lock back door
Check garage doors.
I ticked off each item during the final three days, frustrated by the fact that many of the tasks had to be left until those few hours before departure. I turned off switches, pulled out plugs -something about power surges- decided which curtains to leave drawn, locked the windows and began to feel that this time I was going to be free of that awful “What have we forgotten ?” feeling.
This time we had covered every contingency. This time it would be different.
I stepped into the car with a surge of relief, watched the roller door reach the ground level - sometimes they can bounce back, you know - and drove down the lane to begin the journey.
We were on schedule and I mentioned to my wife with some relief that this time there would be no need for my characteristic anxiety attack.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, I remembered the upstairs air conditioner. I had turned it on when I was having an afternoon siesta and I couldn’t remember turning it off… and it hadn’t been on the list because we don’t normally use it in the daytime. What if it stayed on for the next fortnight.? What if it burned out and caused a fire? What if…? What if…?
This time I said nothing for a time, hoping that it would wear off as it usually did. We became caught up in heavy traffic, inching ahead every minute or so, and eventually I decided to share the anxiety with my long-suffering wife.
That was a help. Yes, she had been in the bedroom and noticed how hot it was. Surely if the air conditioner had been on she would not have felt the heat. And then I recalled having gone upstairs before we left to check that all the lights were off. Surely I would have noticed the purring of the air conditioner. The balance of evidence certainly favoured an assumption of
innocence, but how could I be sure?
The excitement of the boat trip and the drive to Strahan pushed the anxiety into the background, and when it did surface I comforted myself with the assurance that air conditioners are made to run for long periods and maybe when the room was cold enough it would at least cut out for a while.
Each time the anxiety emerged I went through all the reasons for discounting it. On the third morning, having woken with the nagging “what if” feeling, I sat down at the table, took out my journal and wrote a long account of the incident, hoping in this way to discard it for the duration of the holiday. And it was a success. By making fun of my neurosis, I somehow had managed to defuse its power. So we plunged into our day’s sightseeing with light hearts and a sense of relief.
It had been a rather persistent attack this time but now I had conquered it. Next holiday I would ensure that the list of things to be done before we left was even more carefully compiled and scrupulously ticked off. At last…..finally….. peace of mind!
That night, we were watching the TV news, keeping in touch with the world beyond Strahan. After the reports from Iraq and Canberra, a local item announced, accompanied by vivid pictures

TODAY A HOUSE IN HOBART WAS DESTROYED BY FIRE. IT IS BELIEVED THAT THE FIRE WAS CAUSED BY A FAULTY AIR CONDITIONER.

With a profound sense of defeat, I headed for the phone box
to ring our Melbourne neighbour.